13 Brand New Rules for Being a Gentleman Right Now

 13 Brand New Rules for Being a Gentleman Right Now

Imagine what a daft figure you’d be if you lived and died by the recommendation of these hoary old “etiquette manuals”: awkwardly dancing round the pavement to make sure you’re always walking kerbside; despairing over the direction your fellow diners are passing the port; slavishly learning all the acceptable sorts of address for the royalty (even though they’d never allow you to anywhere near them).

Being a person is changing – it’s always been changing – and people manuals haven’t engaged in real-world for hundreds of years, if they ever did in the least. So what are the usage rules, the sensible dos and don’ts of being a person right now?

We’re not talking about the way to behave in light of Me Too. That’s obvious.
Rule one: don’t be a jerk.
Rule two: don’t let your fellow men be jerks.
Rule three: that’s it! We’re thinking more about the small, lighter things – the items that are easy to urge wrong (or only accidentally get right) within the great modern, roiling galaxy of manhood. Things like …

  1. Delete your Facebook account. It’s not digital soft play. It’s an elephant’s graveyard.
  2. Audiobooks: fine – but only for nonfiction.
  3. Stop thinking of your suit as occasionwear. Wear it just because you want to.
  4. Stop vaping. Dummies are for babies.
  5. A gentleman doesn’t flinch when his partner inserts a digit up his bottom.
  6. Always order a bottle, never a glass.
  7. Stop doing performative exercise. just go for a run. Then tell no one about it.
  8. You’re not mindful. You’re rude.
  9. Always spend more on your trousers than your trainers.
  10. Go on holiday by yourself at least once a year.
  11. You really don’t need to know how to do up a bow tie, so long as your clip-on is a) expensive and therefore b) convincing. Please ignore all previous communiqués to the contrary.
  12. For once, just get the bill for everyone – and don’t recoil when it arrives.
  13. Buy a pen and use it.

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