CANADA — In a surprising revelation, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau publicly declared his split from his wife of 18 years on Tuesday. Many Canadians expressed astonishment, being unaware of the fact that Trudeau, a figure perceived as quite genteel, was married all this time, and even more so that his spouse was a woman.
Regular Canadian citizen, Jill Thorleaf, reacted by saying, “Oh wow, he was married? That’s nice. Wait — to a woman? Really?? Huh. Wow. I had no idea. Good for him.”
In a concise announcement, Trudeau requested privacy during this trying period in his life. He pleaded, visibly upset, “Please stop asking if Sophie was really a woman. You’re hurting my feelings! Sophie is real. She’s real! The next person who asks is getting curb stomped by a Mountie!”
According to sources, Trudeau’s wife, who has rarely been seen publicly, is now under financial scrutiny with her assets and bank account currently frozen pending reconciliation. Trudeau has offered that she will be wholeheartedly welcomed back, providing she allows him to redecorate the living room of the Rideau Cottage according to his taste. Trudeau stated, “The ball is in her court. She has to stop having her own opinions and feelings.”
He ominously added, “Or else.”
As the news unfolded, the Canadian media reflected on what they perceived to be a severe blow to the image of multicultural marriages in Canada.